For the last five weeks I have been attending a Beth Moore
bible study, Children of the Day. I could have never dreamed of the things that
would swell up inside of me on a study based on 1st and 2nd
Thessalonians (probably would have had a better idea if I had actually read it
before signing up). But sometimes I am a throw-it-to-the-wind kind of gal and I
just dove in before I could talk myself out of it.
I am a Beth Moore newbie. I honestly thought that it would be
a historical, situational, non-personal kind of study. Anyone familiar with
Beth Moore must know that isn’t her type of studies. I am hungry for God’s word
so I was ready. I had great intentions to do the homework every day, write out
the chapters, and soak up everything that I could. Then three days in, life
happens. You know the kind of small things that come up like deciding to redo
your entire house because your son is getting a new bedroom suite. It went a
little like this “Since he’s getting new furniture we should put new carpet
down.” And I just need to add what an overwhelming experience picking out
carpet was. How is it possible to visually imagine what an entire roll of
carpet is going to look like from a photo sized square? Carpet for one bedroom led to carpet for all
three bedrooms. “Before the new carpet comes I better paint!” Thank you Jesus
for “oops paint” at Lowe’s because I would still be there staring at the
arsenal of rainbow paint samples. Then
new paint led to small things like baseboards for the entire house. Anyways you
get the point. Life happens- and its timing is always inconvenient. I say all
of that to say this- by just barely dipping my toes into the study, it brought
healing and a God perspective on things that I had buried deep inside. So deep
I had almost forgotten about it. There wasn’t immediate healing. The first week
was painful. In fact, I wanted to quit because I didn’t know what to do with
these emotions. Unbeknownst to me, God knew what was in store for week two.
Thank you Lord the stars aligned and I was planted in that church seat on week
two. Healing came. Oh such beautiful healing and restoration and forgiveness to
un-forgiveness I had stuffed down in my soul.
Beth Moore is such a beautiful and eloquent speaker and
writer. She has this maternal aurora shinning around her and I was instantly
drawn to that maternal figure. By the
end of session one, I wanted her to adopt me and tuck me under her wings all
safe and sound. I drove home crying at the yearning for my own mother. We have
a great relationship, but I just wanted more and more of her in my life. I
wanted Mom more abundantly. In fact I started looking at real estate houses big
enough to move her in. But her husband (my step father) probably wouldn’t enjoy
that as much as I would. Just as I
longed for the picture perfect family so did the longing for my Father. Again,
we have a great relationship but I felt I had needed more. Perhaps I needed
more than either one could give me. Perhaps, I would have never had enough. I
learned in week two that God is my maternal and paternal parent. Wait, what? Yep, He is. I had
always envisioned him as the strict father type role. I never once considered
that he is also nurturing us as he correcting us. Perfect love - He has perfect
love. I had failed to see the people he was strategically placing in my life to
fill the void I was so deeply longing for.
I see it now, and I am so incredibly thankful for it.
My focus shouldn’t stop at the earthly realm. He directs us
to step in faith and look into the abyss where He resides. My eyes had stopped
with my situation. I didn’t look beyond. God was filling my voids and I didn’t
recognize it. Are you blindly looking past God’s blessings? Maybe it comes in different
forms than we are expecting. Expect the unexpected.
Half way through, my experience with this study has been
restoring. With every turn of the page it is like peeling wrapping off my soul, rejuvenating God’s truth page by page.
Here is a picture of my living room with the chaos of three bedrooms being lumped in it.
